


Already Gone

by Hopelessly_Obsessed



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hopeful Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 18:53:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16859479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopelessly_Obsessed/pseuds/Hopelessly_Obsessed
Summary: "Remember all these things we wantedNow all our memories, they're hauntedWe were always meant to say goodbye"





	Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I'm back (if anyone cares lol). So I know the fandom has been kind of chaos this week and I've been kind of sad and confused with everything and writing always helps me deal with that. So I've wrote a little something that depicts my feelings of the situation, whether or not it's true. This fic is based off the song "Already Gone" which is what the title is from and I listened to the Sleeping At Last Version while writing this. It is very angsty and I was originally planning to end it earlier, but I decided to add a sort of happy/hopeful ending because that's what we all hope for right? Hope you enjoy!

The thing about love is that it’s this intense, bigger than life thing. It’s beautiful and it’s painful and it’s everything else in between. This intensity that sparks inside of us can either light a fire inside of you or burn you from the inside. Sometimes it feels like a fairytale and other times it isn’t always meant to be. She may not have been able to describe their relationship throughout their lives but, this is something that Tessa Virtue has learned from loving Scott Moir for 21 years.

It’s a hard thing to explain to outsiders, their “funny little relationship” as they often refer to it in interviews. Tessa loves Scott, of course she does, how could she not after 21 years? She loves him so much that sometimes it hurts. The fact is, Tessa has loved Scott since she first held his hand when she was seven.

Obviously throughout the years there has been different kinds of love. When she was seven, he was her best friend and she loved him like a best friend. And then they grew older and matured into young teens and that love became stronger, but with another aspect of lust thrown into the equation, which was just as much confusing as it was wonderful.

And now… and now Tessa loves him and now she doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore. Because now they are sleeping together and acting like they are together without really being together and she loves him, but sometimes no matter how much you love someone, no matter the intensity, it just isn’t meant to be.

She wanted to try, they wanted to try. Try and be something. After so many years of ignoring their feelings, playing it up to being actors on the ice, using their longevity as an excuse for their messy relationship, they fell into bed together again (again, because this wasn’t exactly the first time this has happened).

Tessa wanted him, all of him, she really does--did. She wanted the sex, the love, the “I love you’s,” the forevers, the babies. But, she was scared--she is scared-- scared to be hurt by him after he has hurt her again and again. She’s scared of all the what ifs. She’s scared that now that they are retired there isn’t really a reason to stay around each other if they fight. And she’s scared of only being TessaAndScott not just Tessa.

She knows he wants the forever, the wedding, and the kids and it scares her. They have so much history that’s filled with lots of love, but there’s also lots of pain and that’s all Tessa can think about when she thinks about her future, their future.

“Tess please.” Scott begs as he pulls her onto their--her, couch with him. “I don’t understand. We… I thought… Tessa I love you.”

“I… I know.” She sighs, bringing her hands to her face, overcome by so much emotion, she’s not sure she will be able to keep it in much longer. “I love you so much you know that right. But, it’s too much Scott. I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Her tears begin to fall without warning, following her words. They’re hot and heavy streaming down her face as if everything Tessa has been holding in for the past few months has opened up like a dam, and she’s not sure how to stop it from pooling over and creating a devastating flood. After a moment, she forces herself to look at Scott. He looks hurt and confused and she wishes she could just lean over and kiss him to make the pain go away and she can tell he knows exactly what she’s thinking. His eyes stay locked to hers daring her to do it, but she can’t because what he doesn’t realize is that she’s already gone.

“Tess baby.” He manages to stumble out, his voice shaking. “I… I know we have been moving fast since we jumped into this after the Olympics and so many things have happened. But, it was amazing finally getting to be with you in Japan and at home and I thought everything was great. But, if you need space I understand and I’ll give you space. I love you and you love me and I don’t understand why we can’t work this out. I would do anything for you, even if it means being away from you for awhile. You know that right Tess? That I’d do anything for you. I love you”

“I know Scott. Trust me I know.” She speaks softly, as if she scared to speak too loud and burst the dam that is slowly cracking. Scott now has steady tears falling from his face as well, and she supposes maybe the dam is already broken. “And Scott when I say I love you I mean it, in every way possible. But, sometimes love just isn’t enough and maybe we were meant to say goodbye.”

She says that last part as a whisper and isn’t sure if Scott hears what she said, until she notices him tense up. Tessa closes her eyes and braces herself for the anger and yelling that she is so used to from his teenage years. She braces herself for all the things they will regret saying and the silence that will follow. But, instead of yelling she hears him take a deep breathe, something they learned in therapy. She slowly opens her eyes to see him staring straight at her. She wants to tell him to look away because looking at him makes it harder, but she has already hurt him enough she supposes.

“Okay.” is all he responds.

“Okay?” Tessa questions, confused. She knows he has matured since his teenage years and early 20s, but she still didn’t expect him to be this calm. Hell, she’s not even that calm. She’s scared he’s gonna shut down, shut her out, and that’s exactly the opposite of what she’s trying to do.

“Yes. Okay Tess.” Is all Scott says in reply. He shifts on the couch to get up and leave, but before he can Tessa grabs him by the wrist.

“Jesus Scott. This is exactly the opposite of what I’m trying to do. I don’t want to lose you, that’s why I’m doing this. I don’t want to wake up one day and not be able to talk to you, to tell you everything. I’d rather live in a world where we don’t end up together than lose you. I’m scared, I’m scared all the time. Of us, of the future, of myself. Because I honestly don’t know who I am apart from us. And I know this sounds like deja vu, but it’s true and I can’t change how I feel. And I know you want things and I want those things too, but I can’t breathe. I want you to be happy. I want you to get everything you want out of life and if i’m just a supporting role in your life and not the main character I’m okay with that because it’s important to me that you’re happy.”

Tessa takes a deep breathe after finally getting that off her chest. It’s like a weight has been lifted, like she can finally breathe. Scott is still staring at her and it takes a few moments of silence for him to answer.

“Fuck Tessa. I want you to be happy too. That’s why I’m walking away. I know you after 21 years, I god damn should know you. And I know you are hurting right now and I hate that I’m the one causing the pain. And I know you are confused right now so I’m going to trust that you know what’s best for you. Tessa you have my whole heart, had it since I was nine, and you always will, but if walking away is what you need then I’ll do it because I said I would do anything for you and I meant it. There’s nothing that would make me more happy than to be with you because I love you so fucking much. But, if your only in my life as my best friend, bandmate, platonic business partner or whatever else we are that’s okay because I want you in my life no matter what. And I know you’re going to do great things because you’re a fucking badass Tessa Virtue. You’re gonna change the world, I know it.”

They’re both crying now and Scott has pulled Tessa into his arms, wrapping her up tight as he is trying to protect her from this cruel timeline they are currently in.

They stay like that, in each other’s arms for what seems like years while holding on for dear life, until Scott lifts his head.

“I should go.” She looks at him, really looks at him, studying his face for the first time since pouring out her heart.

“Please.” Tessa’s says before giving him a slow kiss. He hesitated at first before kissing her back, deepening the kiss. “One last time. I want to remember.”

She knows they shouldn’t do this. But she needs this, to say goodbye, she convinces herself.

Scott doesn’t answer. Instead his lips meet hers again and she can taste the salt from tears, not quite sure from him or her.

And she’s already gone.

* * *

It’s a Wednesday night when she sees him. It comes as a surprise. She didn’t even know he was home.

It’s been five years since they have seen each other. After the second Thank You Canada tour they parted ways with skating and inevitably with each other.

At first Tessa thought it was just distance and having different careers off the ice, but she later started to think his girlfriend—wife— had something to do with it. Not that Tessa’s casting her as the villain because she really doesn’t blame her, she wouldn’t want to get in between their fucked up relationship if the other was still around.

But, amidst it all Tessa Virtue has become a successful independent business women. After starting her own jewelry line and workout clothes line she moved to Toronto. And has been living out what she thought was her dream.

There’s been guys here and there to satisfy needs. A hockey player here and an attractive businessman there, but nothing very meaningful or substantial. However, even after getting everything she thought she wanted, she felt a void, felt like maybe she made a mistake all those years ago.

After deciding to move back home to London and run her business from there, Alma and Carol had asked her to help choreograph on the side here and there for their young teams. She agreed of course, after a bit of persuading, and that is how she has found herself at the Moir’s on a Wednesday night.

She has a few notes on one of the ice dancing teams new choreography and Wednesday night was her only free night.

She knocked on the door expecting either Joe or Alma, but instead found the boy who grabbed her hand so many years ago. She always made an effort to not be around whenever he came home. Not intentionally at first, but after they stopped talking on a regular basis, it just became weird to be around him. It slipped her mind that Alma mentioned he would be staying here for awhile, he hasn’t found a new place since the divorce.

They stared at each other, not saying a word. Here is the boy who took her hand and never let go, the teenaged boy who she loved yet was hurt by, and the man who has had her heart since she was seven. He looks older, lines beginning to show on his face, and his hair kept short and neat. He smiles. Her stomach flutters. God dammit why does he still have this effect on her after all these years.

“Tess.” Scott finally greets her. “Is that really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” She replies trying to be casual. “I’d hope you’d recognize me. I mean we were only skating partners for what, 22 years?”

He looks at her skeptically and then lets out a belly laugh. Good, she smiles, he still finds me funny. What a weird thing to be happy about, she thinks. He reaches up and combs his fingers through his hair. He’s nervous, she notices, after knowing someone for so long, even after being apart, she can still see through him like a window.

“So what brings you to our neck of the woods?” He questions, hesitantly, almost like he’s not sure if he wants to hear the answer.

“Oh. Well this hasn’t been your neck of the woods for awhile.” When he doesn’t register that it’s a joke she gives him a nervous smile and clears her throat. “Um I mean I don’t know if Alma told you, but I’ve been helping out with choreography for some of the teams and I was just dropping off some of my notes.”

“I see.” He replies. “That’s great. That you’re um choreographing I mean. I always told you that you’d be good at it. Um…” Before he can finish a little girl runs up and wraps her arm around Scotts legs.

“Daddy! Daddy! Come play.” the little girl shouts. She can see Scott tense up like he doesn’t know what to do next.

“In a minute Gracie. Daddy’s talking with… um… Gracie this is Tess.” He manages to stutter out.

“Hi Gracie.” Tessa says while doing a little wave. Gracie waves back, but pulls herself closer to Scotts legs and hides behind them.

Of course she knew he had a daughter, she coaches with Alma for God’s sake, but she’s never met her. She really should have met her. They stare at each other, not quite sure what to say this time. It’s not often that they were ever at a loss of words with each other, but now? Now it feels like she has missed out on so much of his life, when in reality she never wanted any of it to turn out like this. Alma chooses this moment to finally walk into the entryway.

“Hey Tess.” Alma says casually, like all of this is a totally normal situation. Spoiler alert, it is not. “Thanks for bringing these notes over. We are just about to eat dinner. Want to join?”

“Um I have some work I have to get done. Maybe another time?” She offers up politely.

“Come on T. Stay?” Scott says almost too quickly and then adds, “For old times sake?”

Tessa looks between Scott and Alma and shakes her head.

“Okay I guess I can stay for an hour.” She says, caving in.

An hour turns into three and she ends up having the best time she’s had in god knows how long because god she has missed him. It feels almost like old times and she finds her cheeks start to hurt from smiling so much.

She catches up with Scott and he opens up a little bit about his divorce, but not really. They have always kept their love lives separate. She tells him about Toronto and her business and they laugh and make jokes and play with Gracie.   
Tessa realizes that Gracie is one smart kid for a two year old, and cute as hell if she may add. Gracie begins to open up to her and babbles on and on about anything and everything. She also observes Scott with Gracie and she can’t help but notice that he's a fantastic father, she knew he would be, and god how she still loves him, even with how much time has passed.

At the end of the night as she gathers her coat, Scott leads her out to the porch.

“So I’m guessing that you didn’t find what you were looking for in Toronto?”

“Not exactly.” she replies, with the truth. “But I did find something else out?”

“And what is that?” He says with a smile.

“I guess you’ll have to wait and find out.” She teases.

And maybe when you say goodbye, it’s only for awhile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Also as a side note I originally started writing a fluffy one shot for my fic (even in this crazy world) I'll always end up in your arms, but in recent news I was feeling too sad to write fluff so heres angst instead (sorry! haha). Anyways if I'm feeling less sad/confused about everything would anyone be interested in a happy christmasy one shot for that fic?


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